// my worries//

So i tested my fiance today…. I was on the phone with him. He didnt know that Im trying to know him alot more and better…thats where my mind set is right now. I want to know him and love him more than I do. I want to be more of his friend more than anything. I want to be his best friend and his lover. I did a small test, where we are on the phone. Im trying to make him talk more. Trying to catch his interest in something because all we talk about is ourselves, and the relationship. Im tired of talking about us all the time. So we started talking and his cousin visits. I asked him, if he wants me to get off the phone, hes like…yea. HE ALWAYS DOES THAT… i want him to talk to me even if he has company over… i want to be able to talk to him all the time. It was probably unfair of me to test him…but he never just stays on the phone with me. He always gets off for one reason or another before we finished the conversation. its whatever now. i may be wrong in the situation but i just want to be able to talk to him, and know him more…we say we are getting married. I just want to be able to be friends and lovers simultaneously. Im not greedy, I just want a true relationship. I want something strong…maybe i just need time, or take my time with him. I have never had anything this strong. I just dont want this based off of anything so childish like sex, or something that can easily crumble like the fear to just be alone.